Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I smell stomach acid.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
