I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
