He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I had to cum in my sink.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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