Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It was like getting head from an anaconda
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
