Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
