Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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