Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Someone signed my nipple.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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