College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
