Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
