I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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