we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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