Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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