I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
