Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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