Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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