Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
