He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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