the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
