I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
