dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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