We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Blood and glitter go together right?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
