I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
the condom got lost in my hair
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
