Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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