I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
