marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
