I want to make a zoo with you.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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