My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
why do cheetos always look like penises
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
