I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize