The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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