We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
