So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
