She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
