I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
