Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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