Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
