I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
