my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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