Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize