I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
