So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My ATM looks so different sober.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
