He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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