mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
