I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I love how my cats smell like pot.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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