I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
