fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
