My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
