She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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