U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize