I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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