My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
