Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
