I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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