Someone shit on the floor
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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