I think my fart just growled at me.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
