those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm bleeding and have questions
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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