My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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