u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
