she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm passing your future prison.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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