when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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