I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
