I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
