I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
