Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
