I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
