Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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